I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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