If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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