Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
