my mouth tastes like poor choices
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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