Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
