I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
