Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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