My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
