Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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