Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
