He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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