If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
