I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
