some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
