I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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