You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
