You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
