i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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