How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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