Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
