I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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