thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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