what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
