Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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