You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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