Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
