he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize