I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
