Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
