I want to have your abortion
Please, let me fuck your mom
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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