Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
