she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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