Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
