Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
