just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
