I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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