Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
