I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
