My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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