Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
