That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
