Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
