After last night, I could never be a politician.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize