my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
