he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
