I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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