plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
