She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
