mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
