Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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