My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The air taste purple.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
