I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
