i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
