I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
