I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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