thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
