just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
