HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
