too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
