I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
