I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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