i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
