Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
