Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
