I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
