I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
