nut hugger
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to align my fucking chakras
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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