Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
