and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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