Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
