I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
